The Choices We Make

We all have those workouts where you look at the board and think “ugh, not that”.

For me, it’s running. I don’t know what it is about running, but I loathe running. I wish I didn’t, heck, I even trained and ran (hobbled) the Boston Marathon one year in the hopes it would make me a runner.

So imagine my joy when I rolled in at 5am only to find a LOT of running. I had a choice to make – should I just move through the workout, or should I try and kill myself?

Normally I would move through it. Maybe not the best answer to be honest, but that’s just how I roll with running. Today, however, I was so tired that when the bell went off I just hung with the person next to me, the person carrying a light. It wasn’t until 400m in at I looked over, and saw THE runner of the group next to me. I mean, I was next to a girl who could run 6 min miles IN A WOD. At that moment I realized, I couldn’t breathe, I was somewhat convinced I was dying, and there may have been black bubbles in my vision.

Again, I had a choice. I could just lay off the gas (which was clearly going to be running out) or I could just do what I could and see where it took me.

Once again, I decided to go for it. Probably because it was 5am and I was huffing and puffing like my life depended on it and couldn’t think straight for the life of me. But there it is – I just went for it.

Each successive run was more and more brutal. Finally, the last of the runs came about, the one I thought was going to be the best of all. And there I was, walking up the hill, seriously unsure of whether I would manage to get through it. I totally and utterly died. Zero gas left. Nothing. And I really do mean nothing. I laid on the floor at the end of it all, wondering what I was thinking.

But then I had a moment of clarity (just one really), I realized, I actually found my limits. Despite me being my biggest obstacle most of the time, despite me typically choosing the path I know I can do, today I just went for it. It was sheer lunacy. But it paid off.

I haven’t felt this fabulous or accomplished in a long time.

So while the lucid me would never make that choice, I’m pretty happy that the not-quite-there-sleep-deprived me did.

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